Birthdays Can Be Exhausting!

By the time I went to bed, that night of my 60+ birthday, I was so worn out I could not even turn in bed to my favorite side. Face up, I took a few deep breaths and reviewed the events of the day.

It began with the sheer knowledge that I had reached the age when a lot of men are at a loss as to what to do with all their free time, having retired from a long and rewarding career, and I, I could hardly find the time to do some of the things I liked: writing a blog, editing a few short stories I have written, planning a vacation, walking barefooted in a neighboring beach. It was my birthday and I was lucky that it was also my weekday-weekend, and my wife could honor me with a great meal. You see, I am still working, and more than that, beginning in a brand new industry. However, I turned this apparent negative into: I am keeping my mind active, creative; I am staying physically fit; in my job I meet lots of interesting folk, and give a good and needed service.

Next, as I shaved, I realized I had to dig a little deeper to get those last hairs hiding in some of the wrinkles on my face. What the heck (learned this phrase from my daughter!), this is an interesting face, one that I dared plaster on the cover of my last book.

The program for the day was a familiar one: my kids visiting me and hanging around me a little longer than usual, the delicious smells of my wife cooking, hugs, kisses, cards, gifts (I confess two from my wife I had already opened), pictures, the singing over a cake, a little wine, and maybe a kick-ass movie with the boys.

Everything happened as expected. Let me add, that I spent half and hour thanking a lot of Facebook friends that took the time to congratulate me on my special day.

But this was a different day. And what made it different this time was my realization that in a very small way, I was touching people’s lives with my own. Whether they were my offspring, or my wife, or my wife’s family, or my friends (Facebook and personal), they were all touched by who I was on this Earth. This humbled me tremendously. Furthermore, all these human beings, on my birthday, defined in a very particular way, who I was.

Sometimes, I want to be an island, but I am not an island. I am humanity, and so are you. We are connected through love, birth, death, cakes and candles, food, gifts, hugs, Facebook emoji, postcards, phone calls, children and grandchildren. And even though I sit alone by my tranquil lake, behind my house, I am sitting there profoundly linked to hundreds, if not thousands of individuals.

Then, at the end of it all, I realize that a good birthday, like a good life, should be exhausting!

A Guru Incognito

I work next to a guru.

I don’t think anyone knows this but me. I observe him, listen to him, let him do his thing without interfering.

“What are you reading?” he asks me when we have a break.

I show him the book. It’s one of the many things I am currently reading to try to understand my life, the world, the universe, where I am going and where I come from. In summary: my mission.

We talk about words. The universe I see and feel is made up of words, he says. Only 26 letters in English, make up libraries upon libraries.

I want to ‘comprehend’, I say. In order to understand and to express what I understand, I use words. I am a writer, I tell him only in my mind, because, somehow I don’t want to show off in any way. This is a man who has lived, who has done so many things, who has been to so many places. Who now, humbly, works in a service environment I actually feel is beneath him. But he told me once that his mission is to serve. I can see that in everything he does.

We go back to words. He tells me to empty myself, that when I don’t have any more words to try to express life and the world and me, I will have found who and what I truly am: One with everything that is. The OM. The beginning without beginning. The end without end.

I close my book. Sitting by the lake behind my home is wiser.

I do it this morning. Quiet. Still. I give myself Reiki. I breathe. No books. Fleeting thoughts come and go easily.

The stone floor of my lanai is full of mold and the plants are now all dead. I pick up a safe detergent, a broom and garbage bag and clean the entire area, throwing away all the dead plants and sweeping away with fresh water the green-black mold.

Did I fulfill part of my mission with a broom and a bucket? I believe I did; for now. No books, or poetry, or comprehending. I just did it and it feels good.

Thank you Guru Incognito.

Don’t try to save the world; save yourself.

The title above came to me in deep meditation, and for the last few days I’ve been trying to make sense of it, and trying to see if it was in tune with the purpose of this blog, which is to present the wonderful and simple things in life. I finally think I’ve got it. But let me tell you how all this came about. My wife and companion has been away for 2 weeks in a powerful workshop of energy healing, empowerment, and all-around wellness. And even being a good husband-helper, I have had to pick up most of her duties and responsibilities besides the ones that are my own. I have cleaned, kept the home tidy, done laundry a couple of times, even cooked twice (I confirmed the boys eat anything, whether you cooked it with love or it came frozen in a bag). I have tended to my daughter: made her special breakfast which has to be given by way of a feeding tube, prepared her lunch, checked for homework, gotten her in the tub with enough time to put her in bed so she could get a good night’s sleep. I have worked in my regular job, with an eye on my cellphone to see if my 15 and 16 years-old need me while they baby sit for me, sneaking a call or a text occasionally: “Is everything Okay?”

I have also done things for myself. Taking my wife’s lead, I dared go and have breakfast outside the house twice; it felt great, after I fought a sense of guilt. I also worked on the Spanish translation of my book, Drought, Rain. The Young Heroes Series, which I want to put out next month. And I meditated.

I felt deeply the absence of my wife, a woman that is everything to me. Yet, at the same time, I had a sense of emotional liberation, a sense of freedom that has been hard to deal with. Here is the realization I have had. For almost 30 years, this wonderful woman and I have been trying to SAVE THE WORLD, and have done very little for ourselves. I have taken this realization beyond our family and thought: Aren’t a lot of people doing this, on a different scale, concerned with war, disease, politics, conflicts, natural disasters, food collection, water depletion, global warming, but are doing very little for their personal selves?

My personal opinion is that if we begin to show more love to ourselves, and lead lives of more self-care, self-appreciation, and self-improvement, the world at large will be a much better place. I think I am not the only one with this message. I have experienced it seeing my wife grow in her workshop, in me seeing that 30 years of effort saving my world (health and education for the kids, keeping my finances afloat, doing as best as I can for my jobs, keeping the household going, etc.), may amount to nothing, in a flash, if I did not take care of ME! There is a saying in Spanish: “Salvese quien pueda!” Save yourself, if you can! Which is used in dire situations of great danger. Well, the great danger is that you may end this life and never find out what the heck was this all about (that is the “saving yourself” part).

I don’t know about you, but I have started looking inward, finding peace, enjoyment, pleasure, safety, and satisfaction for myself and with what I can do, right here and right now. And looking inward allows me to stand back and take a good look at the stage I am moving in. Yes, it may involve doing those dishes, or feeding that special child, or typing that blog; but I know I am doing it for me, in a journey of discovery and of growth. I will save myself, and maybe, just maybe, that will save the world.

Do I make any sense?

See more of me at:

http://www.reikirebirth.webstarts.com

http://www.amazon.com/author/jgherrera

VISIT ME AT AMAZON